Search Results for: slimpod

In which I declare my undying love for Trevor from “Thinking Slimmer” and discuss my tiny boobs.

I know you’ve seen me harping on about it on twitter. “Omg, @ThinkingSlimmer, I’ve just had to ditch 972 pairs of trousers which are too big because of you! *shakes booty*” and then “Oh god that bacon and Boursin sandwich was bloody YUM”, closely followed by “I have no bras that fit. And my boobs are tiny. Mother Nature, you bitch. @ThinkingSlimmer – bill coming your way, btw.”

My boobs ARE tiny. I’ve gone from a 36E after breastfeeding, down to barely a 34DD now. Though, looking at the bras I threw across the room this morning, I might be closer to a 32D. Since I started listening to Thinking Slimmer sometime in late February, I’ve gone from a laaaaarge size 14 down to a small size 12. SOME of my size 12 trousers are a little loose. I’ve given every single pair of size 14 trousers away, because, well, permanent builder’s butt is just not pretty. No matter how awesome my ass is. Which, for the record, is still curvalicious, but that could be a black thing.

Sorry dudes. If I don’t get huge boobs, then at least let me keep the ass, dammit.

So anyway, loads of people on twitter keep asking me “So really, does it work? I mean, really?” Which confuses me because every time I so much as mention Thinking Slimmer, I’m only ever singing their praises. If I rave about it any more, I might have to start asking for commission or something. The short answer: IT WORKS. I listened to an 8 minute (approx) mp3 track for 21 days, then as and when from there after. If I feel like I need a boost, I might do another week’s worth of listening, then take a break for a few days. Or, I’ll listen as and when I remember.

I still eat much of the same foods I love and adore. Crisps, cheese, chocolate HobNob snack bars (OH EM FRIGGING GEE OM NOM NOM), bacon and Boursin sandwiches (if you haven’t tried this, please close this frigging browser NOW, go get some Boursin cheese and some streaky bacon, and some brown bread and go MAKE it. I will still be here. Trust me.) but the difference is, I know when to stop. And I do stop. And it is easy. I don’t spend my entire day prowling the kitchen wondering what I can snack on. I’m more likely to get to have a cup of green tea for breakfast (because I’ll have had a massive tea with D the previous evening) and by lunchtime, be vaguely aware that I’m starting to get hungry. No, I’m not starving myself. Some days I am peckish in the morning. So I’ll have a regular breakfast. Cheese on toast, cereal, fruit, bacon, whatever takes me fancy. But then I find I’m not hungry until mid-late afternoon. I just don’t eat if I’m not hungry. And therein lies the key.

As I type this, I’ve just had a portion of oven fries and 4 chipolata sausages. D asked me if I wanted fried eggs too. My faaaaaavvvvve. I said no thanks, because I knew I’d just feel sick eating that much food. I barely finished what I actually did have on my plate. Later on I MIGHT have some fruit. But I doubt it. I’m stuffed. I cram in my 5-a-day via fruit juices (I drink LOADS of fluids) and adding fruit/veg to at least one meal every day. I don’t do it intentionally… it just seems to happen. Am I making a conscious effort or decision? No. I just find myself suddenly shifting the specifics of what I want to snack on or pick at.

And…all because of Trevor.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Trevor.

‘Scuse me a minute.

*composes self*

Yes, *ahem*, the slimpods (the thing that you listen to on your mp3 player of choice) are the home of the DELICIOUS voice of Trevor Sylvester. Women all around the country are going to bed with him at night. I sleep with him quite often. It’s bloody lovely. And when you listen to his voice, you might start to understand why. I confess I have been known to listen to my slimpods several times a day just to listen to him. *Purrrrrrrs*

There’s a rumour that he’s on twitter. But he’s a bit elusive like The Stig. There’s also a rumour that he’s going to be piped into the chill out room at Cybermummy. If that happens, no one will go to any sessions (including me, and yes, that also includes the photography workshop I’m doing there – more on this later). Trevor – you really don’t know the power you have over a lot of women at the moment. But um, *cough* you can whisper in my ear ANY TIME.

ANYWAY! Yeah, I’ve lost a stone. I have done little/no exercise because I am lazy. I hate the gym. However, I find myself with FAR more energy than before so I naturally want to move around and do stuff anyway. Which is weird for me, but obviously very good. I know that if I made a conscious effort to exercise more, I’d shed even more weight, probably at an alarming rate. But as it is, I’m now 2lbs – ish away from pre-Noah weight, and that’s where I’m happy. That’s where I’m aiming for. I DO miss the boobs, like CRAZY (not a week goes by where I don’t contemplate a boob job of some sort, take me to an E cup ideally) but I love having clothes that fit me the way I want them to.

I also love listening to a spine-tingly sexy voice every night. But that’s a bonus and a somewhat different story.

PS I would post photos of “Large Me” and then “Small Me” but I was smart enough to hide from the camera last year, so you’ll just have to see me in the flesh and assume I know what I’m talking about.

PS I know boob size is relative. But I always wanted bigger boobs. Breastfeeding gave me G/H cups. That bitch Mother Nature took them away. *sobs*

Dear So and So…Ass Edition

Dear February

You are kicking my ass. It’s in a good way, and I kind of like it, but it does hurt. Does this make me some kind of masochist? I need to decide if I’m ok with this. I’ll get back to you.

Yours with a sore ass, jay

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear March

You’ll be seeing Isaac into nursery, freeing up two complete days a week. I love you so much right now I would actually have your babies.

Yours, but please don’t touch my ass, jay

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Music Industry

The countdown is on. 9 days til my last ever concert as a cellist. Then it’s all over. After that, I’m pretty sure you can all kiss my ass.

Yours, mooning you, That Person with the stage name I can’t wait to get rid of.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Photography Industry

I am coming for your ass. Wear a cup, too.

Yours with no cello in sight, Jay Mountford Photography

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Flu

Swear to god, I’m gonna punch you in the ass.

That is all.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Awesome Speech Therapist

OMG WE LOVE YOU. Thank you so much for all your help with Noah, we cannot thank you ENOUGH. I’m going to write about our love for you soon. It won’t be stalker-ish AT ALL.

Yours, happy to kiss your ass, Residents of MBM Mansion

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Isaac

Wtf? Will you ever produce a normal nappy? What is UP with that? And the farts in the bath? OMG they make me want to vomit. I love you and all, but Christ above, you really smell sometimes. Please sort that shit out. Literally.

Yours, staying clear of your ass, Mom.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Thinking Slimmer SlimPod

Because of you? My ass is looking AWESOME. Lately I fluctuate between 3-6lbs above my pre-miscarriage weight. A weight I haven’t been at in just over 4 years. AND YOU MADE IT SO EASY. I’ve lost 9lbs in 3 weeks, and I know it’s in no hurry to reappear.  I will also be writing about my love for you soon. Oh yes indeed.

Yours, nowhere-near-skinny-ass-but-loving-it-all-the-same, me.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Readers!

It’s your turn to go and discuss your ass needs. You should do too, it’s actually quite therapeutic. Or you can write letters about something else, if you prefer. How about bacon, since I haven’t had any for AGES? (damn you, flu.)
Dear So and So...

Click on the badge and go link up over at Miss Kat’s place. And don’t forget to tell her what a nice ass she has.

Dear So and So… “Addressee: Me” edition

Dear Body

I can see you’re trying to lose weight. That’s great. Really great! But you seem to be doing weird things. You and Mind have started on this SlimPod thing, which we shall blog about soon, but I can’t work out if you’re falling for it or not. I long for the day when I can look at you in the mirror, face included, and say “fuck me, you’re actually quite beautiful, aren’t you?” But that’s not happening right now. I don’t think it will ever happen. Is it because I’m still hung up on what delivering two 11lb babies has done to you? Because there’s no sign of that size 10 figure? Because, basically, well, you’re buggered? Yeah I guess so. Make up your mind if you’re losing this weight, ok? As for you, eczema, I’ll deal with you another time, as Lush’s Dream Cream seems to be working on you at the mo.

Yours, Ugly Duckling

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Mind

You have done so well. I know that sounds shit, but seriously, you’ve been buzzing with happy for WEEKS now. You’ve had moments where The Voice has crept back in, and I’ve laughed at you curled up on the kitchen the kitchen floor, yelling at your head to “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUUUP”. It’s been an alarming month or two. You’ve done so well, fighting the inner demons you’ve battled for so long. I can’t remember the last time you were this “awake”, the last time you were so “alive”. So it’s ok to have a blip, you know? I know you’re having a blip now. You’re falling, but only because you’ve been on a high for so long. And you knew that when the time came for you to fall, it was going to be one hell of a fall. But instead, you’re sinking gracefully, which is way better than falling with a thud. It’s way better than anything I thought you would do, and I thank you for that. I can’ remember the last time you fought depression as strongly as this, as forcefully, and I’m in complete admiration of you for that. You will be ok. We will be ok. I don’t know when, but we’ll get there, ok? Leave the tablets alone, you don’t need to go there. I’m sure of it.

Yours, The Deflating Balloon

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Heart

How do you do it? How do you open up so much when Mind is right there telling you to cut that shit out? Don’t you realise you’re going to get hurt? Every single time? Do you not care? Do you think you’re that strong? Or are you that sadistic? Why do you open yourself up to be repeatedly bruised? You deserve better, you know, I’m sure of it. Yet you continually put yourself in a position where you can be severely stomped on. I fear for you, I really do. I don’t think you’re as strong as you think you are, and I wonder if it’s time for you to toughen up. Rooms in Heartbreak Hotel are only available for limited periods, and you don’t belong there. Not any more. You need to toughen up. And let go. And move on. Surely the pain you go through can’t be worth it. …can it? Next time you’re hurting again, which, lets face it, will be soon enough, remember that pain when you open up again.

Yours, The Voice Of Reason

Dear So and So...

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