Remember when I said Noah was due to go for speech therapy? And we finally had an appointment come through? And the speech therapist came? And she was lucky to leave the house alive without being stabbed in the neck? By me AND D? No? Did I not mention that?
Well allow me to divulge.
She came and brought along a buddy, ST#2 who was to watch and learn how to use the camcorder.
Yes, how to use the camcorder.
ST#1 was to film each of us interacting with Noah for 5 mins to see where we were going wrong.
Yes, where WE were going wrong.
I never felt such immediate hostility in all my days and wanted to stab her immediately, all the while saying “It’s not you, it’s your attitude”.
In those 5 minutes, we were to behave completely normally as we do with Noah, not play up to the camera, completely ignore her and pretend she wasn’t there. Yeah, of course, because Noah was REALLY up for ignoring ST#2 sitting on the sofa and a camera shoved in his face.
So I went first, D took Isaac out the room, she filmed. Now, if I were to REALLY do what comes naturally, I’d have left Noah to his own devices, picked up my MacBook or phone, and gone on twitter.
Then we swapped over; I took Isaac out and D played with him.
She then brought us back together to sit and watch what we had done. Nothing like being scrutinized within 15 minutes of her being in the house.
As I said, I should obviously have picked up my phone or MacBook. No. Instead I asked him what he wanted to play with, suggesting things to do.
EHHH – WRONG.
This is leading him and results in him not being able to express himself.
He pointed to a tiger on a piece of paper. I asked him what it was, he said (in his own way) “tiger”. I asked him what it says, he said “ROARRR”.
EHHH – WRONG.
This is asking him empty questions; if I know he knows the answer then I don’t need to ask him any questions.
During D’s turn, they played a bit of rough and tumble. D asked him if he wanted a dinosaur to play with as he seemed to be getting tired.
EHHH – WRONG.
This is directing his free play. There was no need to introduce a new toy and Noah should be completely in charge of what he wants to do. Even though Noah was happy to have the dinosaur.
D asked him if he wanted to introduce another dinosaur as we know he likes to make the two roar together.
EHHH – WRONG.
Directed play, deviating from his current interest. There was no need to introduce a second toy.
While we were watching ourselves be really uncomfortable, Noah asked for something and I gave it to him, prompting him to say “thank you”.
EHHH – WRONG.
This is focus on a non-important part of his language and development. We don’t need to concentrate on his manners; please and thank yous are not important at this stage and will most likely lead to bad habits.
After we finished watching the video, which was like being sent to hell on a razor blade, we had to fill in forms about how we could do better to help Noah speak, and what areas we need to work on until she comes back. Which I think is in two days. This all happened about 2 weeks ago.
Neither D nor I have picked up the sheets; at the moment I don’t even know where they are. Down the back of the sofa, possibly. She then went on to (repeatedly) instigate that Noah wasn’t speaking because we were forcing him too hard, and that he would speak when he was ready. Also, that at this stage it isn’t the quality of his speech to worry about, it’s the quantity.
ST#2 made a point of saying “well he’s been interacting with me and I understand him fine!”
Seriously. Stabby McStabberson in the hizzouse.
Interestingly, I thought maybe it was just me being hypersensitive. But when I looked over at D, I realised he’d been quiet for some time, and the look on his face spoke everything I needed to hear. He was NOT impressed. And everyone else we’ve spoken to about the appointment have also said they reckon it was a load of bollocks.
The bright side? I spoke to Noah’s nursery about it. They were horrified and told me they have a SENCo who can advise us on mouth muscle exercises and help him form his words correctly. They’re impressed by his intelligence to communicate, and once they understand the various words, can’t get over how good his vocabulary is. But like us, they agree that his formation of words, his pronunciations are way behind. And so they’re willing to help and do what works best for Noah.
I didn’t think it would be this hard. But at least we still have our own fun.
Aaaaaaaargh. How utterly frustrating.
Did she actually say anything positive to you?
What a lovely boy you have. Glad you're getting good support from nursery.
And THIS is why I am in no hurry to get Kai's referral pushed through.
For fuck's sake…
You know the biggest tell-tale sign? The fact that D got annoyed. That tells me it must have been pretty unbelievably stab inducing.
Fuck em. You are fantastic parents. I have seen it with my own two eyes. And Noah is brilliant and SO bright. He'll get there. And refusing to communicate with him, interact with him, have FUN with him, is not going to be the way to do it.
Just keep doing what you're doing. Let nursery help. And yes, stab the speech therapist.
love yoooooooou x
This post really upset me, I am so sorry for you ALL, what a terrible thing to go through. I would have kicked them out. I have a friend that is a SALT and they dont do it this way here, infact Maxi was referred by preschool and they just came out and chatted to me and him nad then said that they didnt kno what the issue was and that lots of children devfelop speach between the ages 3 and 4!
Hmmmm, so basically what you have been doing has been ALL WRONG?
Well, pardon me, but in that case EVERY SINGLE PARENT I have ever come across is totally inept, as I certainly think those discussions exactly reflect the way most sane, decent parents interact with their children. Heaven save us from so-called experts – sounds like the nursery are being far more sensible about the whole thing!
Yes, they said "Noah's such a lovely boy! Isn't he well mannered? Lovely."
OMFG.
Thank you
Your nursery and SENCo sound fantastic and above all constructive. I am truly shocked at your account of the speech therapists, I know someone who works in the field and I'm sure she'd be similarly outraged. I can't actually identify of a single thing I could say they did even remotely "right". Not one. And to not follow up as promised is just unforgivable.
EXACTLY. If D get's pissed, that means it's bad. And he's STILL pissed. Which says it all.
I'll be intrigued to see how she responds when I tell ST#1 that nursery are offering the help we actually wanted, and that if they want to support us also, WE will tell them what works and what doesn't.
URGH. *goes in search of the "special" rusty blunt spoon*
xxx
Yo know what's annoying? Both D and I sat there thinking "It's going to get better in a minute, it's not going to be like this for the whole duration." How stupid were we.
And yeah, I actually would have been happier if she just said he's completely fine, give it another year. At least that would have given me HOPE.
xx
The nursery are being FANTASTIC. Not only do they acknowledge something isn't quite right, but they're offering to HELP us to HELP Noah. And from day damn 1, that's all I've ever wanted to do. And you're right; I suspect I'm so infuriated because she's basically told me everything we have done so far is wrong and not working. And by "we", yes, EVERY parent I've ever known. *SIGH* :-/
xx
Seriously? His nursery? AMAZING. It feeds into the private school he'll be going to, and the support the kids get is IMMENSE. D and I are still in shock over that appt. I'll be so intrigued to see how she responds when we DO speak to her again, because she sure as hell won't like what she's going to hear from both of us, unless she was just having a bad day? Maybe? Huh.
xx
OMGoodness, hope you have complained using all the nicest words you know (ha!) about the two that came round. Ionly know a really really small bit about language development and SP and even I could tell they were talking out of what they should of been sitting on!
Glad that his Nursery actually has a clue.
I've been battling the same old irritants since we were 'referred', Trouble is, we were referred in March, assessed in April and told it will take 3 months to get an appointment BUT that it's really, really important to deal with it quickly. Yeh hello! Thankfully we have a lovely nursery too and afetr reading your post I am totally dreading our appointment as K is so not aware of his 'dysfluency' (that's what they are calling it) and honestly, if it were up to me I'd leave it a few more months so see how we develop. Sounds like the cure might be worse than the reality.
She's an idiot. There are idiots. We don't like to think there are idiots, but some people are idiots. The head of R's first nursery was a dreadful, dreadful woman, known for driving parents to tears with her maniacal determination that children shouldn't go to school at 4. I knew another mum who had a play therapist insist her kid was developmentally delayed because he wouldn't talk to her or identify a beach in a picture, despite, er, never having been to or seen a beach before. These people get everywhere. People who remain idiots despite eduction.
Your son's beautiful. Therapist's an idiot. You're doing great. Repeat.
OMG I think she's been watching too much bloody Supernanny. I was furious reading the whole thing and then you went and ruined my rantyness by putting the video of the cutest boy EVER (well second cutest – my Noah is obviously the cutest!)
So glad that the nursery are helping and thank goodness that you and D are of the same opinion. Leave the sheets down the back of the sofa OR get Noah to draw on them and explain that this was what he CHOSE to do and you wouldn't want to direct him too much or quash his natural instincts.
SHOCKING!
P didn't say anything until he was 2. We went to see a SALT and they said they didn't know why we were referred as they can't do anything to help until they're 3. I've cancelled all follow up appointments now because he started talking on his own. He did it when he was ready. You keep doing what you're doing and ignore anyone that needs a whole appointment to learn how to use an effing video camera. x
We went through a similar experience a couple of weeks ago for my 3 year old who began with a stammer, which to be honest has got so much better and pretty much almost gone :0) However we had the video link up like you, time with me and then time with dH, I am a question asker, is who i am and found not asking him questions so hard, we then went through the video with the therapist which i have to say is a nice gal, but all the homework you get given, lol feel like we are at school. Shall probably go to every session he has been given, reading all all errrr wrongs was so like the errr we got wrongs to ;0)
Hugs from me :0)
XX
Makes you wonder have they just learnt this from some book?
Have they got kids themselves?
Are they living in the real world?
Love the little vid, Noah is such a cutie
You have got to be joking – its obviously so out of this world wrong if both of you are reacting like that
Sounds like you have great support at nursery thank god
And he is just the cutest ever
You got THAT right! We haven't complained but suspect we may let them know how we feel when we see them again… ;o)
xx
"dysfluency"? GOOD GRIEF. I totally agree, we're very apprehensive about the "cure", and are half in the frame of mind to carry on as we were. With our hard work, he IS making progress, albeit slow. But slow is better than not at all.
xx
Thank you
We honestly thought we were doing ok. After the appointment we were seriously doubting ourselves. We only had to look at Noah to know that actually? We know him better than ANYONE. Including the idiots in education who actually know shit all. Meh.
xx
Heheh thank you
And yes, seriously, D does NOT do pissed. I very rarely see the expression that was on his face during that interview.
'Nuff said.
xx
I'm no professional but may I say: BULL…SHIT!!!
you look like such a proud mummy!
Who the hell are they to tell you how to interact with your son? In my entirely uneducated opinion talking to him in anyway is fantastic, the more he hears the more he learns. There's nothing wrong with asking if he wants to play with a dinosaur or anything else.
Gah! I'm frustrated for you! Well done for not punching them though, I think I may not have been as controlled!
p.s. lovely video
I am a Speech Therapist and WOW! I would never do what that therapist did in any session. I cannot even express my thoughts coherently except to say that the therapist should have been more interested in interacting with Noah, interacting with you and providing models-not criticizing you!
I have read a bunch of the comments so I would like to offer some thoughts:
Some children stutter/stammer/are disfluent in their preschool (3-5 years) (is that Nursery (I am in USA) years-this is called "developmental stuttering" and is quite normal (child is usually unaware of it)and in most cases will go away on its own. Don't call attention to it-be accepting, allow him/her to finish the thought. If your child does things to "stop" the stutter (stomp feet, wave hand, blinks-whatever..or becomes upset because he/she "can't talk" that is more typical of a "typical" stutter and that is when I would seek help.
Mochabeaniemummy-I would ask for a new therapist. If one is not available I would just have a chat with this therapist and let her know what you expect from therapy-and that you did not appreciate such criticism about his language skills when it iappears that he is a smart boy who is having difficulty forming the sounds necessary for speech. He is trying to talk and sing-he has words but they are unintelligible. Articulation (pronunciation) is separate from receptive language (understanding) and expressive language (using words to communicate). He can have a delay in all 3, or any combination. From what i read in your bog, and the short video-my best guess would be that his articulation development is hindering his expressive language.
I think you interact with him just fine. Good Luck!
Their approach is absolutely shocking. Reading your post I was constantly thinking "but that's exactly how everyone interacts with their kids at that age!'' – 'leading him', 'empty questions', 'directing his play' and no need to teach manners at that stage – what complete gobshites.
Oh and I meant to say love the little video clip – he's such a cutie!
I reckon you should invite yourself over to the speech therapist's house and video her for an afternoon, and then tell her all the things she's done wrong! See how she likes it. Can you write and complain, or would that make things difficult if you need further help?
For what it's worth, I've known several friends whose kids had speech issues when they were young (difficulty in pronouncing certain letter combinations/limited vocabulary/difficulty making themselves understood etc). Pretty much all of these 'problems' sorted themselves out without intervention by the time the child was 7, and the others only needed a few sessions or brain gym style/mouth exercises to assist. In some cases it was just down to the child being prone to ear infections which meant they didn't always hear sounds correctly.
Holy crap.
I am lost for words. Which says it all!!!
What the @%@@***(%@@@&@@@****!@%^*@@@@!!!!!!!! about says it all I think…
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WTF! These people! I hope you manage to fire them in a (to them) painful way and replace them with someone who will actually be some use.
In my experience a swathe of these professionals have zero personal experience with parenting and therefore their "advice" is as useful as a chocolate teapot. I could rant on about the services we've tried to access and abandoned because they're utterly rubbish – I just hope that your next experience is better. Best of British to you xx
This is totally shocking! what a horrible experience for you and utterly nonsensical. It's made me realise how lucky we've been with Jonah's speech therapy (he has a stammer which at times has been so bad he basically can't talk at all). We've had lots of support and been told we're doing things right – and we are doing and saying exactly the sort of things that you have been. Ignore them. Fire them. They are just plain wrong.