I knew perfectly well that with Noah going to a private school it would posh as anything. I’m not even going to disclose the fees, but let’s just say that his school uniform (for the autumn/winter term alone) has come to more than £300. And yes, he’s only in transition. The bit between nursery and Pre-Prep. The bit where they still pretty much play with stuff all day.
But you know what? It’s fine, because it means there’s no pressure on him at all to have to match the other kids. No one will look at his shoes and question the make, no one will look at his bag and ask why he doesn’t have the latest Buzz Lightyear vs Ben 10 Supertronic comes-with-it’s-own-teacher-sensor-radar (you laugh. You’ll be crying when it comes out next year.)
What I didn’t see coming was the peer pressure in the car park. One morning I dropped off Noah, and walked past a Ferrari, a Bentley, 2 Porsches, 3 Audi TTs, countless Mercedes, Mazdas and BMWs. 4×4 approximately the size of my house (possibly larger) and their drivers very much taking advantage of their size. I turn up in my Honda Civic and feel about the same size as a Robin Reliant.
Even the awesome MacLaren pushchair I use for Isaac around school grounds, doesn’t feel like it compares to slightly pimped-out pushchairs I see around me. I don’t want those pushchairs mind, I need practicality. I don’t want a blinged-out pushchair. I’m forever singing the praises of the one we have. And yet, I still feel inferior. But it does the job, dammit. The boys don’t care, why should I?
I see the moms and dads walking their kids into school, and the majority are wearing designer labels. I’m pretty sure I saw one mom recently who was literally bathed in designer labels; Gucci, Chanel, Calvin Klein – it was actually quite a sight. Added to this are the moms who are convinced they’re still about 17 or something; skirts as short as can be, tops tighter than anything you dare imagine – is this normal? I turn up in my Sainsbury’s jeans, a top I probably wore all day previously, and, well, I never look at my hair. My trainers are 3 years old. Still in great nick…but still. They’re trainers. Not shoes. My saving grace, I feel, is my Bench jacket, and the fact that my trainers are in fact Vans. A name probably lost on most people at the school.
Is this what I have signed myself up for?
I grin with admiration at the people at other schools I see and hear about, who do the school run still wearing a pyjama shirt, or in their slippers, or even still in their dressing gown. I know I will never be able to do this – not at the boy’s school. I would never hear the end of it. Even as I listen to Noah talk lately, his accent is changing; his once very broad Brummie accent is disappearing into a slightly posher, Queen’s English accent. Barth instead of bath, grarss instead of grass…it’s subtle, but it’s there. And I find myself doing more often too.
There are standards to uphold, and I’ll be honest, they are standards that I mostly approve of. But they terrify me, they really do. I’m not worried about him; he can grow into the environment and make it work for him. But what about me? Will I fit in? Am I good enough for them? Will I feel like the outsider? Am I already the outsider and I don’t even know it yet??
Either way, I have my character. I know who I am in that respect. I hope I never find myself having to “conform”, just to be respected. Of course, I may have to work on Isaac a little bit.
Table manners still aren’t quite his forté. Gotta admire the kid though, innit?
Lol. Sounds like the school my daughter used to go to. It's an international school, on the university campus, and it's attended by a handful of teachers' kids, (who can barely afford the fees even though they're heavily discounted) and lots of ultra rich local kids. The mothers look like Barbie. They have chauffeurs driving them to school. I kid you not. I never spoke to the parents except to exchange greetings when we had play dates. But the children got along fine, irrespective of labels. Now both our kids go to the French lycee. It's got quite a few diplomat's children, but, frankly, that's nothing compared to the previous school. But one thing I would ask myself is this. If the standards they're upholding in Noah's schools are the kind of standards that Ferrari driving, designer wearing parents approve of, and will pay for, can they really all be good? Probably not so good that you should have to worry about not being good enough for them!
I think the fact that you're doing the best possible thing you can for your boys and ensuring that they have an excellent education speaks VOLUMES about you, and that is all that matters. I know it probably doesn't make you feel better, in the face of all of that 'WONGA!', but actually, labels and big cars are just vulgarity. There's no need for it, it's mainly just 'new money' letting people know how wealthy they are, when, quite frankly, who gives a shit? I'd rather know about what kind of person you are, not what you've got in the bank (which is good for me, as I think it's about £20.50 in our case!).
You kick arse, and I reckon I could drum up an entire legion of folk who'd agree, so sod the self-styled 'yummy-mummys' *GAGS*, and carry on being you, because you rock!
Also, I bloody love Honda Civics!
I think you should hold your head high and not worry about those "who know the price of everything and the value of nothing" (as my Gran used to say).
I was privately educated at primary, before moving to the state sector for secondary. (Terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE move on the part of my parents, but that's a whole different story!) I am embarrassed to confess that I grew up thinking we were incredibly poor, because I was pretty much the only child in the class who couldn't claim to have a swimming pool in the back garden … let's just say starting secondary was a rude – and very necessary! – awakening!
Screw 'em. Dare you to go to the school gates in a bikini. Daaaaaaare yooooooou!
I think the question you have to ask yourself "is he happy?" if that is a yes, then sod the rest. Kids could really give a crap about labels and what kind of car their parents drive.
GOD yes. Very happy. In fact, I'm genuinely thrilled to bits The Smalls are able to go to this school! I just wish I didn't have everyone else's money rammed down my throats. Especially money that has no taste
It is such a shame because i love going to pick my little one up from nursery for the chat and the giggles i have with the other Mum's. And even for the friendships that i have made, never mind the ones that the little one has made with the other kids. But as you say, its the education that counts.
I think the drop off in pyjamas is an urban myth. I've never seen it . The mums all look like they have spent hours on hair and make-up at my childrens school. They have designer gear and 4x4s and its not a private school, so perhaps poor taste and money wasting is a universal feature!
** Kate **
I think that the problem is that the other parents are doing it because they think it is what is expected. It's that keeping up with the Jones type mentality that really bugs me lol.
What on earth are you talking about woman! brilliant article btw but slightly misplaced. The other parents can afford to send they're kids to the school and still have money left over for posh cars/clothes and the like – SO WHAT? The issue is with you my love, not them – the only person making you feel inferior is you, which is nonsense because we all know how gorgeous you are and it's about time you started believing it too.
Had this same conversation with my friend who send her boy to a very expensive local private school.
She told be before how she feels ashamed of her New Look leggings and Peugeot in the car park everyday.
I asked her how it was going now and she has found a few of the mums aren’t so different to her…some even admitted to going home to get changed after the school run, and some are shockingly not as well off as she assumed.
I bet you’ll find a few liked minded mums in the end.
If not just use them for blog material, I want those clashing labels papped! Long lens style from the car while you eat donuts.
So loved this post, Jay. Where do I start? My sister's daughter and my brother's two sons all go to the same private school, very posh and full of kids who's "mummies and daddies" are from Corrie. My sister tells me that most of the parents turn up in designer clothes, designer bags, designers sunglasses, you get the gist (even though my sister is just the same, she doesn't actually feel like one of them, which makes me laugh even more!!) Anyway, that's in Manchester. Up here in Northumberland we have a couple of private schools which are just, errr, for the more stuck up members of society shall we say. I had a lovely friend who sent her daughter to one of them and they have changed. They're no longer down to earth, happy go lucky, working class and friends with everyone. They are now snobs, out for meals all the time, dinner parties every weekend, and even the daughter talks with a plum in her gob which really annoys me because she had such a lovely Northumbrian accent. I don't really have qualms with private schools as such, it's the people that go to them (you being the exception of course), who give the school a somewhat bad name. A couple of years ago I actually looked at one for Amy, the one where my ex-friend's daughter goes, and they weren't willing to give her any support. When they realised she is autistic, they virtually closed the door in my face. Nuff said, me thinks!
Great post. CJ xx
My friend is in this exact same situation. Her husband has done very well for himself and they have decided for their son to attend a local posh private school.
She however is still rocking her New Look leggings and driving her beloved Peugeot.
Reckon you like she has will find some like minded mums as they go through the school.
Until then papp those bad oufits and start a new anon blog 'Fashion Crimes by people with money'
Loving your post. My 3yo is currently in pre-school at a private school (don't they start early!). Its a lovely school and she is really happy. On the surface it can seem intimidating (you actually feel like your the one back at school – will they like me, do I fit in?) but after a while you get a feel for the place.
I found that I could group people into following 4 categories;
Totally loaded and up their own arse – stay clear
Totally loaded and down to earth – make friends
Working hard to put kids in private school but still up their own arse – stay clear
Working hard to put kids in private school and down to earth – make friends
Some people are stuck up and think they are better than the rest, there are many others who don't have time for small talk, and a few that might just be shy. Its hard not to judge. We do it all the time. I have designer gear (I worked dame hard for it) and drive a BMW but I am really friendly, grew up in Leeds and went to a 'normal' school! I found being my friendly self soon won people over and those who choose to ignore me – well they can go take a running jump, as long as my princess is happy and feels accepted I don't care.
Our girls go to a very good State school and there are some yummy and some not-so-yummy mummies. I fall into the latter category as I can't seem to make myself care what anyone is wearing or what they've done with their hair. It's only a competition if you are competing
We do get lots of comments about our swimming pool though- people always think we are 'rich' because of it!
Fuck 'em! You're better than they are sweety!
I like uniform for the reasons you describe, but here in California very few schools, even the private ones do uniforms. We toured a couple of privates (GG starts K in the fall) and the designer outfits of not only the parents but the children too put me off. I felt scruffy, and I don't want my kids to feel poor because I won't get them a coach handbag for school.
We have decided are going to the local public (thats state here) school, a school with a very diverse population in terms of race and income (50% of kids on free lunch, we will be the wealthier of the families there). I have a lot of reasons for doing this, but I do wonder if we should have gone the private route. As the child of generations of state school teachers I found it hard to jump ship though. Tough decisions.