See? I TOTALLY know my kids.

In the car driving home from school…

Me: Isaac, it’s your birthday soon!

Isaac: My birthday!!!!

Noah: Yes! And I think we should get Isaac some presents.

I: My birthday! I think I’ll have CAKE.

N: Mommy, can I get Isaac a present?

MBM: Of course, Noah, what would you like to get him?

N: I think Isaac should have a new cup, a blue one.

MBM: Ok, maybe we could get a blue bowl and plate to match, too? (I had been to Sainsbury’s that morning…)

N: That’s a great idea Mommy, I think we should get him a Thomas the Tank bowl and plate!

MBM: BRILLIANT idea Noah. (The bowl and plate sitting at home waiting to be wrapped up have Thomas the Tank Engine on them. FUCK YEAH.)

After a brief but in-depth discussion of exactly how many days and sleeps there are between today (Thursday) and Isaac’s birthday (Saturday):

N: Isaac, would you like a birthday cake?

I: My birthday! I’m going to have CAKE.

N: Isaac, what cake would you like?

MBM: (Clench – I’ve already bought the cake)

I: LIGHTNING MUCK THE QUEEN!!!!

MBM: (Unclench – miraculously the cake I chose was Lightning McQueen)

N: Can you do that Mommy? Can you do a Lightning McQueen cake?

MBM: Ummm, I’ll have to see what I can do. (Secretly grinning like a smug git.)

N: You need to get some red, Mommy. You need red to make Lightning McQueen cake for Isaac.

I: My birthday! With Lightning McQueen cake?

MBM: I’ll see what I can do, Isaac.

I: And presents! My birthday will have PRESENTS!!

MBM: (I remember the bag full of bits and pieces to make up party bags since we can’t afford a big party) Isaac would you like to take some goodie bags to school with toys and cake for your friends?

I: NO.

MBM: … (Dammit. So close.)