I have impatience. I have it BAD.
If I’m honest, when I’ve set my sights on something, it takes a phenomenal amount of patience for me to either a) make it happen, or b) sit back and wait for it to happen. Needless to say, I’m rarely one who sits back and waits for it to happen.
My wedding photography, I think, is starting to come on ok. I’ve got some reeeeally nice weddings booked in for next year, some VERY different to the ones I’ve done this year, which is great. I have nothing at all against the weddings I’ve done so far; I’d like to think I did a reasonable job with them. But I think I have a certain style, and not many of them have been my style. Which is no ones fault.
However, right now, I already have the twitchies for my next wedding which isn’t until March (though 2nd shooting in Feb), and, well, I want an awesome wedding. I want it now. I mean the wedding where quite frankly, I have free reign on the photography. Everyone chilled, group shots, if any, done the way I style them (laid back and FUN), a couple who would spend all DAY in front of the camera given the chance, a venue so cool and funky, yet stamped and styled with the couple’s tastes, done the way they want it, not because someone else suggested it, or because everyone else is doing it.
My eyes have been opened to the different styles of weddings, and so far, everyone (obviously, to some extent), puts their mark on the day. But I think I find myself longing for the couple who are like me; who quite frankly just don’t give a shit about what anyone else is thinking, and are happy to throw caution to the wind, let their hair down, go a bit crazy and really enjoy themselves.
It’s a tough one, because everyone’s wedding is styled to them, NOT me, and I try to remember that. I try to remember the importance of how important and special THEIR day is, TO THEM, because it’s THEIR day, NOT MINE. I guess…I dunno. I guess maybe I actually just want the chance to enhance their day through the photos, rather than “just take the photos”. I want the chance to show couples how awesome and amazing they can look; I want the couple to see their photos and think “FUCK YEAH! Damn we look HAWT and AWESOME and also FUCK YEAH!” I’m not saying I can entirely DO that through my photos, but I’d love it if the couple saw that potential, in me.
I think, at the moment in the world of photography, there are many photographers who want to be, and indeed are, Rock Stars, possibly. It’s like, some kind of trend. It kind of feels like, if you’re not a Rock Star Tog, then no one really knows who you are. Now strangely enough, I don’t necessarily want recognition, like a Rock Star, (let’s face it; my days of stage performances are LONG GONE), but I DO want to be seen to have the same capabilities as some of those “Rock Star Togs”. I want people to see me and think “yeah, ok, she’s not big and famous, but she sure as hell can take a decent photo with the best of them”. I would love it if people saw my work and thought “Hmm…I like where she’s going with her photos, maybe she can do something with ours; let’s give her a chance”. I don’t want people to see my work and think “Yeah, she’ll do, we’ll settle for her”. I don’t think that’s what people are thinking, I certainly hope not in any case, but, well I guess I just want to be given a chance.
I would take photos of weddings every single weekend without if I knew that by the end of it I had reached the standard I am trying to attain. As ever, typical me, I’ve set the standards high…but sometimes I wonder if I’ve set them high enough. I hate being told “No sorry, you’re not good enough”, or that feeling of just not being accepted because I’m not of the standard of others. But my (im)patience dictates that I must try out new things NOW, and keep improving NOW, yet am unsure of how to do that when opportunities don’t seem to arise as often as I would like, and the opportunities I make pretty much hit dead ends.
I’m a stubborn asshole, I know I’ll keep going. But geeeeeeeze I hope I don’t hit a brick wall and see no way past it.