A teeny tiny rant about BACON.

Yeah. Two words which should never appear in the same sentence – “rant” and “bacon”.

I’ve just been catching up on JMP tweets, posts and Pinterest stuff, when LauraAWNTYM tweets me a link to “22 Terrible Things That Must End In 2013“. I’ll give you a second to go read it.

YES. YES I AM AS OUTRAGED AS YOU. STOP TALKING ABOUT BACON? WTF? WTAF??? WTAFMFF*?????

Bacon is the LIFE GIVER OF EVERYTHING.

I will always talk about bacon. It’s BACON for crying out loud. You hear me? BACON.

B.A.C.O.N.

B

A

C

O

N.

BBBBAAAAAACCCCCOOOONNNNNNN.

…however. I do have one complaint about bacon.

Well actually, to be fair, it’s not about bacon. It’s about a couple of other things, the first one being what people DO to bacon. Like, make it into Bacon Lube, or put it in ice cream, or make vodka or turn it into a nativity scene (what the actual fuck is wrong with you? Why the hell would you waste time making a nativity scene out of bacon and too much sausage, instead of just eating the fucking bacon? Are you some kind of mental?). JUST EAT THE GODDAMN BACON.

The other thing I have to complain about, where bacon is concerned, is with the people who seem to think I enjoy seeing endless pics of bacon in it’s various mutilated forms. I’m already subscribed to numerous bacon feeds on Facebook, you can bet your ass I’ve seen most bacon mutilations in various forms LONG before they hit your twitter stream or Facebook feed. Fact is? If the bacon, in meat form, is not being consumed on a regular plate, in regular form, maybe with sauce, and some cheese, then I’m not interested. I’ve tried Baconnaise – I gagged. I’ve sniffed bacon lip balm – it’s rank. I’ve eaten bacon crisps – THEY ARE NOT BACON (though to be fair, they do taste good). Give me a fancy bacon scarf, or bacon AND EGGS gloves, WITH matching scarf, or you know what? Just give me a plate of bacon. S’all I need.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to cook some bacon, instagram a photo of it, AND THEN EAT IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU DO WITH BACON, INNIT.

*In case you’re wondering, is What The Actual Fucking McFuckity Fuck.

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Comments

  1. lauracymft says:

    I love bacon. It should only be eaten though. Never heard of a bacon nativity…seems kind of sick lol.

  2. I want bacon. I have none in the house.

    *licks screen*

  3. I hate when accidental posts get published. This one appears to be about bacon. ;)

  4. nickietypecast says:

    I thought it was What The Actual Fucking MotherFucking Fuck but then I'm usually wrong about these sorts of things.

    • mochabeaniemummy says:

      LAUGHING!!!!!!!To be fair, you were close. Impressively close. But no, times like this call for a “McFuckity Fuck”.

  5. I am a veggie and not eaten meat or fish for many many years … still the thought of a bacon with fried bread makes my mouth water :-)

  6. mummyglitzer says:

    I heart bacon. And each of my friends who used to be veggies have said bacon was their downfall. But it should only be eaten. In fact, I am having it tonight, just as soon as the child goes to sleep.

  7. Who the hell has a problem with bacon? Nobody I want to know.

    PS: Love the acronym. :)

  8. Am with you on the baconaise. Bought some for Ethan for xmas last year. Urghhhh the smell! It's so bad that even a student couldn't eat it and students (eps my son) can eat the rankest of rank without so much as a blink.

  9. this from the woman who gladly accepted a bacon christmas tree.

  10. I must admit, I agree with most of those things in the banned list. Especially freakin' toe shoes. What the hell are they?

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