Yeah. Two words which should never appear in the same sentence – “rant” and “bacon”.
I’ve just been catching up on JMP tweets, posts and Pinterest stuff, when LauraAWNTYM tweets me a link to “22 Terrible Things That Must End In 2013“. I’ll give you a second to go read it.
YES. YES I AM AS OUTRAGED AS YOU. STOP TALKING ABOUT BACON? WTF? WTAF??? WTAFMFF*?????
Bacon is the LIFE GIVER OF EVERYTHING.
I will always talk about bacon. It’s BACON for crying out loud. You hear me? BACON.
…however. I do have one complaint about bacon.
Well actually, to be fair, it’s not about bacon. It’s about a couple of other things, the first one being what people DO to bacon. Like, make it into Bacon Lube, or put it in ice cream, or make vodka or turn it into a nativity scene (what the actual fuck is wrong with you? Why the hell would you waste time making a nativity scene out of bacon and too much sausage, instead of just eating the fucking bacon? Are you some kind of mental?). JUST EAT THE GODDAMN BACON.
The other thing I have to complain about, where bacon is concerned, is with the people who seem to think I enjoy seeing endless pics of bacon in it’s various mutilated forms. I’m already subscribed to numerous bacon feeds on Facebook, you can bet your ass I’ve seen most bacon mutilations in various forms LONG before they hit your twitter stream or Facebook feed. Fact is? If the bacon, in meat form, is not being consumed on a regular plate, in regular form, maybe with sauce, and some cheese, then I’m not interested. I’ve tried Baconnaise – I gagged. I’ve sniffed bacon lip balm – it’s rank. I’ve eaten bacon crisps – THEY ARE NOT BACON (though to be fair, they do taste good). Give me a fancy bacon scarf, or bacon AND EGGS gloves, WITH matching scarf, or you know what? Just give me a plate of bacon. S’all I need.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to cook some bacon, instagram a photo of it, AND THEN EAT IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU DO WITH BACON, INNIT.
*In case you’re wondering, is What The Actual Fucking McFuckity Fuck.