Check-In

June 23, 2011 By 4 Comments

I’ve not been here much lately because I have been BUSY innit. So I’m just leaving a mental note here of all the stuff going on.

First of all, for the first time in maybe 10+ years, my weight is LOWER than it was pre-pregnancy. I woke up this morning 1lb less than my pre-preg weight. OMG, THINKING SLIMMER. That is all.

Next up, the Blogger Calendar categories with Tara and Snapfish have been announced. I actually have a HEADACHE from trying to keep up with the shit load of tweets on twitter. Holy crap I can’t believe how excited they all are! Tis awesome. Sorry to the peeps who missed out, but there may be opportunities for other stuff next year. Photos taken over the weekend, then I edit the crap out of them for about 4 months. Nice and easy. Hah.

Also, buh-limey, I’ve been busting my ass on my pro site. It’s had a COMPLETE overhaul, and it’s not done yet. I’m trying so hard to throw myself into the wedding market, and I’ll be honest, it’s a struggle. Or (most likely) I’m just very impatient. I know I’ve barely finished my first year with 9 weddings under my belt, but even so I wants MORE. So I’m quietly slogging away. 2am has become a good friend of mine. I bloody hate it. But at the same time, I love it. It’s oddly satisfying, eh?

Curiously, I’ve been burying my head in the sand wondering just how much I can actually teach people without talking a load of crap. I have a (my first EVER) photography workshop at Cybermummy. I’m obviously excited to be doing it, and hope to help out loads of people with their photography. However, I just hope people actually understand what I’m trying to convey. I’m also hoping I don’t say fuck, shit, cock, what the fuck, bastard, wank and variations on the themes. The very lovely of will be live blogging my workshop, so I guess she’s the one to lurk near on twitter on the day.

On the list is a thank you to my sponsor Love it, Love it, Love it enough for helping me get to Cybermummy. I’ve got outgoings left right and centre at the mo, and the financial situation for me personally is really shitty. So Ruth? I bloody love you lady. Thank you.

MBM Sponsored by Love It Love It Love It

Then, of course, there’s the biggie (for me). My Dildo Decorating Party on Saturday night, courtesy of Eden Fantasys. Admittedly I’m terrified as I’m a very rubbish host. I am fast starting to understand why The Bloggess stays in the toilets whenever she hosts a party, it makes perfect sense. I have two boxes of goodies for the party, with some daft games, prizes and other treats. I don’t want to give anything away just yet, so I reckon I’ll do all the writing malarky after the weekend, you know, when I’ve stopped drinking. Dildo Bob is primed and ready to go. In fact, I suspect he’s very excited about seeing new family members being born. Must remember to prod him to keep tweeting from , too.

If you’re expecting a Silent Sunday linky bright and early on Sunday, you can piss right off. That won’t show up until lunchtime. Maybe.

I am exhausted. But I think, I think, I am ok.

 

Filed Under: actual happy times, AWESOMENESS, blogger, Blogging, COCK., Cybermummy11, decorating, Dildo Bob, Eden Fantasys, JMP, Love It Love It Love It, mocha beanie mummy, photography, photos, pimping myself rotten, PR, Silent Sunday, , weight

In which I declare my undying love for Trevor from “Thinking Slimmer” and discuss my tiny boobs.

June 8, 2011 By 10 Comments

I know you’ve seen me harping on about it on twitter. “Omg, @ThinkingSlimmer, I’ve just had to ditch 972 pairs of trousers which are too big because of you! *shakes booty*” and then “Oh god that bacon and Boursin sandwich was bloody YUM”, closely followed by “I have no bras that fit. And my boobs are tiny. Mother Nature, you bitch. @ThinkingSlimmer – bill coming your way, btw.”

My boobs ARE tiny. I’ve gone from a 36E after breastfeeding, down to barely a 34DD now. Though, looking at the bras I threw across the room this morning, I might be closer to a 32D. Since I started listening to Thinking Slimmer sometime in late February, I’ve gone from a laaaaarge size 14 down to a small size 12. SOME of my size 12 trousers are a little loose. I’ve given every single pair of size 14 trousers away, because, well, permanent builder’s butt is just not pretty. No matter how awesome my ass is. Which, for the record, is still curvalicious, but that could be a black thing.

Sorry dudes. If I don’t get huge boobs, then at least let me keep the ass, dammit.

So anyway, loads of people on twitter keep asking me “So really, does it work? I mean, really?” Which confuses me because every time I so much as mention Thinking Slimmer, I’m only ever singing their praises. If I rave about it any more, I might have to start asking for commission or something. The short answer: IT WORKS. I listened to an 8 minute (approx) mp3 track for 21 days, then as and when from there after. If I feel like I need a boost, I might do another week’s worth of listening, then take a break for a few days. Or, I’ll listen as and when I remember.

I still eat much of the same foods I love and adore. Crisps, cheese, chocolate HobNob snack bars (OH EM FRIGGING GEE OM NOM NOM), bacon and Boursin sandwiches (if you haven’t tried this, please close this frigging browser NOW, go get some Boursin cheese and some streaky bacon, and some brown bread and go MAKE it. I will still be here. Trust me.) but the difference is, I know when to stop. And I do stop. And it is easy. I don’t spend my entire day prowling the kitchen wondering what I can snack on. I’m more likely to get to have a cup of green tea for breakfast (because I’ll have had a massive tea with D the previous evening) and by lunchtime, be vaguely aware that I’m starting to get hungry. No, I’m not starving myself. Some days I am peckish in the morning. So I’ll have a regular breakfast. Cheese on toast, cereal, fruit, bacon, whatever takes me fancy. But then I find I’m not hungry until mid-late afternoon. I just don’t eat if I’m not hungry. And therein lies the key.

As I type this, I’ve just had a portion of oven fries and 4 chipolata sausages. D asked me if I wanted fried eggs too. My faaaaaavvvvve. I said no thanks, because I knew I’d just feel sick eating that much food. I barely finished what I actually did have on my plate. Later on I MIGHT have some fruit. But I doubt it. I’m stuffed. I cram in my 5-a-day via fruit juices (I drink LOADS of fluids) and adding fruit/veg to at least one meal every day. I don’t do it intentionally… it just seems to happen. Am I making a conscious effort or decision? No. I just find myself suddenly shifting the specifics of what I want to snack on or pick at.

And…all because of Trevor.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Trevor.

‘Scuse me a minute.

…

*composes self*

Yes, *ahem*, the slimpods (the thing that you listen to on your mp3 player of choice) are the home of the DELICIOUS voice of Trevor Sylvester. Women all around the country are going to bed with him at night. I sleep with him quite often. It’s bloody lovely. And when you listen to his voice, you might start to understand why. I confess I have been known to listen to my slimpods several times a day just to listen to him. *Purrrrrrrs*

There’s a rumour that he’s on twitter. But he’s a bit elusive like The Stig. There’s also a rumour that he’s going to be piped into the chill out room at Cybermummy. If that happens, no one will go to any sessions (including me, and yes, that also includes the photography workshop I’m doing there – more on this later). Trevor – you really don’t know the power you have over a lot of women at the moment. But um, *cough* you can whisper in my ear ANY TIME.

ANYWAY! Yeah, I’ve lost a stone. I have done little/no exercise because I am lazy. I hate the gym. However, I find myself with FAR more energy than before so I naturally want to move around and do stuff anyway. Which is weird for me, but obviously very good. I know that if I made a conscious effort to exercise more, I’d shed even more weight, probably at an alarming rate. But as it is, I’m now 2lbs – ish away from pre-Noah weight, and that’s where I’m happy. That’s where I’m aiming for. I DO miss the boobs, like CRAZY (not a week goes by where I don’t contemplate a boob job of some sort, take me to an E cup ideally) but I love having clothes that fit me the way I want them to.

I also love listening to a spine-tingly sexy voice every night. But that’s a bonus and a somewhat different story.

PS I would post photos of “Large Me” and then “Small Me” but I was smart enough to hide from the camera last year, so you’ll just have to see me in the flesh and assume I know what I’m talking about.

PS I know boob size is relative. But I always wanted bigger boobs. Breastfeeding gave me G/H cups. That bitch Mother Nature took them away. *sobs*

Filed Under: Boobs, weight Tagged With: Diet-free, Dieting, Exercise, Harley Street, losing weight, Natural weight loss, Slimpod, Thinking Slimmer, Trevor Sylvester, Weight loss

It’s my dress and I’ll, um, wear it if I want to.

May 16, 2011 By 22 Comments

I’ve been hankering for wedding dresses lately. Having finally, finally lost enough weight to get back into my main wedding dress (yes I had 2 dresses for our wedding), I’ve become a bit obsessed with them. I’ve lost a stone in weight, and was able to have D assist me in taking this picture:

(Clickem to biggem) It’s straight from my iPhone, unedited. It looks shit. I look shit. But my god, I’m IN MY DRESS. I didn’t have to starve or anything. But I do know I can’t get into it straight after breakfast.

Weirdly enough, this wasn’t the dress I was scared of. The one that makes me nervous is the one I posted yesterday, which I wore for our blessing in Jamaica. Long, sleek and slinky.

Which is definitely NOT me now.

As clearly stated by my arse.

But anyway, it was good to get in it without it looking too hideous, and so I took advantage and did my own teeny Rock The Frock session.

Unfortunately, it was bloody cold.

And even though the weather looks gorgeous, it pissed it down at regular intervals.

So I did a lot of running around and tried not to get my beloved scuffed-up wedding shoes covered in mud.

Meh…they got muddy.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to Rock The Frock on your own?

So I gave up and took pictures of my shoes with my dress. I actually wore these shoes with the red dress for my wedding. But since I have no sense of fashion, I thought they till looked pretty together with my ivory dress for these photos.

I think I’ll stay behind the camera for now.

Filed Under: Clickem to Biggem, JMP, photography, photos, weight

YoR – April

April 5, 2011 By 16 Comments

Ohhhhhhhh what a month. March Yor has been, I think, one of the best ones so far. Noah in school 8 – 4:30pm, Isaac doing 2 full days a week at nursery. I have lapped up that free time like I never thought I would. In fact, as I slowly but surely manage to get on top of everything, life has already become MUCH easier. Tolerating Noah’s extreme ups and downs has been much easier, and dealing with Isaac as he discovers the true meaning of a “Learning Curve” has been WAY better than before.

Geeze, I actually enjoy my kids again. What a pleasant feeling THAT is.

I don’t feel like I’ve actually done much with my tine alone, but I know it wasn’t about running around and doing stuff. I needed that downtime to just sit and do nothing. Sit and allow my braincells to filter back into a sense of normality. Kinda. In any case, it’s worked. It’s been good for me. Very good indeed.

And so having started to find myself again, I think it leads quite nicely into April Year of Resolutions.

I started a trial review thingy back in January with a company called Thinking Slimmer. A weight loss company. I don’t do “weight loss programs”. However, I’ve hated my post-preggo body from the very minute I gave birth to ginormous super-sized Noah, all 10lbs 15 oz of him. I breastfed for England, feeding and pumping like a cow in a luxury milk farm hotel, and lost pretty much no weight. My body barely had time to recover before I fell pregnant again and delivered 11lbs 0.5oz Isaac.

To say I had no stomach muscles left is a slight understatement.

It’s been a hellish journey; at my biggest, non-preggo weight, I was 11st 10lbs. Over a stone and a half over my pre-preg weight.I craved food like I couldn’t believe, my body trying to make enough milk for the kiddos, with enough spare for me to express and keep going with some kind of normal life. I had nearly 4 pints of milk in the freezer at one point, pumping almost round the clock. Was totally worth it, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I had to.

I started Thinking Slimmer (listen to an MP3 for 10 minutes a day to lose weight. Shit you not, that’s all I do – I still eat crap, just not so much of it. Hell, I still get my bacon fix, and can wolf down crisps for England), and I’ve gone from 11st 7lbs to 10st 7lbs. I’m now a size 12, almost into a size 10. All my size 14s hang off me like I’m wearing bin bags. Which is making me realise I can’t hide my body for much longer.

In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s time to start appreciating it a bit more. It’s come through so much, been through a bit of a harrowing few years, and under the circumstances? I don’t think it looks too bad right now.

Year of Resolutions – April: New year, new body? No. Just learn to love the one you already have. It’s not new, it’s appreciating what you already have. And remembering that actually? It’s not that bad. Kinda.

Filed Under: HOTNESS, weight, YOR

Dear So and So…Ass Edition

February 11, 2011 By 12 Comments

Dear February

You are kicking my ass. It’s in a good way, and I kind of like it, but it does hurt. Does this make me some kind of masochist? I need to decide if I’m ok with this. I’ll get back to you.

Yours with a sore ass, jay

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear March

You’ll be seeing Isaac into nursery, freeing up two complete days a week. I love you so much right now I would actually have your babies.

Yours, but please don’t touch my ass, jay

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Music Industry

The countdown is on. 9 days til my last ever concert as a cellist. Then it’s all over. After that, I’m pretty sure you can all kiss my ass.

Yours, mooning you, That Person with the stage name I can’t wait to get rid of.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Photography Industry

I am coming for your ass. Wear a cup, too.

Yours with no cello in sight, Jay Mountford Photography

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Flu

Swear to god, I’m gonna punch you in the ass.

That is all.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Awesome Speech Therapist

OMG WE LOVE YOU. Thank you so much for all your help with Noah, we cannot thank you ENOUGH. I’m going to write about our love for you soon. It won’t be stalker-ish AT ALL.

Yours, happy to kiss your ass, Residents of MBM Mansion

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Isaac

Wtf? Will you ever produce a normal nappy? What is UP with that? And the farts in the bath? OMG they make me want to vomit. I love you and all, but Christ above, you really smell sometimes. Please sort that shit out. Literally.

Yours, staying clear of your ass, Mom.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Thinking Slimmer SlimPod

Because of you? My ass is looking AWESOME. Lately I fluctuate between 3-6lbs above my pre-miscarriage weight. A weight I haven’t been at in just over 4 years. AND YOU MADE IT SO EASY. I’ve lost 9lbs in 3 weeks, and I know it’s in no hurry to reappear.  I will also be writing about my love for you soon. Oh yes indeed.

Yours, nowhere-near-skinny-ass-but-loving-it-all-the-same, me.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Readers!

It’s your turn to go and discuss your ass needs. You should do too, it’s actually quite therapeutic. Or you can write letters about something else, if you prefer. How about bacon, since I haven’t had any for AGES? (damn you, flu.)

Click on the badge and go link up over at Miss Kat’s place. And don’t forget to tell her what a nice ass she has.

Filed Under: actual happy times, Dear So and So, Isaac, Musician, neurosis, Noah, parenting, photography, Speech, Speech Delay, weight
« Older Posts