The school holidays are right around the corner.
I have done a ton of preparation, though, most of it is in my head. What? I am ALWAYS full of ideas.
Sadly, I’m just spectacularly shit at executing them.
Every holiday season, I think about all the different things I want to do with Noah and Isaac. Take them to soft play, go digging in the garden, go out shopping, do some painting, bake some cakes, go, er, somewhere, do, er, something. You know, that sort of thing. yet, every time, it feels like a) I’m not doing enough b) none of it ever seems to happen c) they don’t want to do anything/want to play cars/Lego. It’s weird. We hardly ever do stuff. I want to do stuff. I get frustrated.
Truth is, I’ve now been employed in Parenthood for over 4 years, and I STILL don’t know what I’m doing. I read a couple of manuals a while back, I gave some to The Mr (he never read his, dammit) and I’m still none the wiser. I ask them what they would like to do, and they’re completely uninspired. And I suggest things that we could do, and they’re completely uninspired. Even when it comes to asking “Shall we go out somewhere” (which in my mind translates as “shall we get the hell out and maybe get some fresh air, even if it is only a 20 minute drive in the car”). Nope, they just wanna play cars/Lego/watch a DVD.
I’ve already resolved to severely cut down TV time, in a bid for it to be more effective when I actually need it. I’m also guessing I will have to use it as a babysitter from time to time, since it turns out, I still have to fit in work somehow (I can’t BEGIN to discuss how much that combination terrifies me for 8 weeks). They’re very independent (maybe that’s part of the “problem”?) and are surprisingly happy to while away a day of Not Doing Very Much. But this instinct or something (I want to say “mothering instinct”, but I always howl with laughter at the mere suggestion of such a thing) tells me I should be Doing More With The Kids.
Sadly, I find it painfully difficult to disconnect from work, when I know that sometimes, my only adult interaction for the entire 12 hour day is with clients. I asked a couple of the parents at school if they would like to meet up over the holidays; needless to say, the majority of them are escaping the country/working/sending their kids to the grandparents/other options. I’m not sure how to deal with this, as I have also noticed that, in trying to throw myself into as much work as possible, I seem to have dwindled significantly on Real Life Friends. Even more so, ones with children the same age as mine, where we can all actually get involved with stuff. Where are they all? Are they doing the same thing as me? Sitting at home or in the car (or indeed, at soft play) wondering what the hell to do and counting the hours before they get to speak to another adult?
I wish, quite often, that I was That Mom who didn’t spend so much time wondering what the fuck, exactly, they’re supposed to be doing. I wish I was That Mom who sprung out of bed each morning to the sound of the kids doing whatever, good or bad, and just dealt with it. Full of exciting stories and ideas and imagination, ready to power everyone through the day. Instead, I’m The Mom who wakes up in fear, clueless, wondering What The Fuck. In general. I’m The Mom who likes her kids, a whole lot, but perhaps doesn’t always understand how to love them and how to enjoy them.
That sucks, because surely the kids deserve waaaayyyyyyy better than that.
Oddly, I will bust my ass trying to make sure they get the best of everything I can give them, but sometimes (often?) I fail. And then I’m back to wishing I was That Mom. Rather than being The Mom.
I suspect, as ever, I will approach the same way as usual. I’ll hope I’m doing the right things. I’ll hope I’m not being desperately shit. I’ll also hope I won’t have to resort to drinking at 3pm each day.
I’ll also make a better effort at being That Mom. I hope.
I actually think you're being too hard on yourself. Working (especially when it's your own business) while looking after children is incredibly hard. I also think that it's A GOOD THING that your children are so good at playing and entertaining themselves, it's a useful skill to have. It's better that than they need you to entertain them every minute of the day.
As for kids being inspired, I'm glad to hear it's not just mine that often have a "meh" reaction to my suggestions. I would aim for trying to get out a little every other day, just to the park or something. Also, don't ask the question, decide yourself what you would like to do and tell them, you'll all have fun. I'm a bit of a believer in doing stuff you enjoy with them, it doesn't need to be child friendly, if you want to go to a garden centre (I'm guessing this isn't your choice, but it's the only example by brain can muster) do it, and when there talk to them about plants and stuff.
The lesson I learnt when T was younger is to save the good stuff for the last 2 weeks of the holiday, you'll be sick of each other (they will actually be thinking school is a good idea) and will need something good to entertain them. Plus it stops the inevitable "what did you do over the summer?" being answer with "nothing" when they go back to school. They never remember all the cool stuff you did in a frenzy at the beginning.
So there it is, my slacker mum guide to school holidays. Oh, and come and meet up with me, we'll have fun playing in the woods or something.
Let me tell you a secret. "THAT Mom"? She doesn't exist. Not in real life. Maybe she exists on some blogs, or on some twitter feeds. But that's it. She is the product of positive spin. Nothing more, nothing less. And THAT is the truth.
But if you want an adventure in deepest, darkest South London with 2 boys who love the outdoors (mainly because our flat is so small) but also love lego, give me a shout
In the meantime, cut yourself some slack. If they're happy, where's the harm in letting them just get on with their lego building and playing cars? It's all imaginative play, and that's a GOOD thing.
Let me tell you — you are NOT alone.
I could have written this post.
I even have a blog post of all the things that I want to do this summer. Stop laughing.
I won't take bets on completing half of it by the time summer is over, particularly since we are traveling 3 weeks of it.
I have great plans – and they LOVE crafts – but when the time comes to execute, they are too busy with drawing pictures or playing with tractors. Or glued to the TV. Every summer, I threaten to unplug the TV< and then by day three, I'm damn near throwing it at them. Along with Corinne's brilliant idea of saving the best for last, I also hope (this year) to plan some more frequent playdates, particularly near the end, when they have had enough of each other.
And I don't have the distraction of working. They ARE my full time job, and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing most of the time, other than I should be doing MORE.
Just tell yourself that you are teaching them to entertain themselves, which means thinking for themselves, which will take them farther in life.
90% of my time I am mucking through parenthood and making it up as I go along. The other 10% of the time I am pretending I know what I am doing while mucking my way through parenthood and making it up as I go along. Most of those parenting manuals don't know squat about real children. Children in THOSE books are reasonable and respond to rules consequences.