I LOVE PAIN. Apparently.

When I was pregnant with Noah, I had SPD and sciatica from about 12-ish weeks, and was on crutches by 14 weeks (right through to the end of the pregnancy). I had migraines so bad I couldn’t see and took great pleasure trying to drive at work without actually being able to see where I was going. With Isaac, well. I knew I was pregnant before I had even taken a test, since the SPD and sciatica kicked in at around 4-5 weeks. That was fun.

I knew things would subside after they wer born; there was no way this shit was going to last forever. I’d been fit as a fiddle beforehand; hell, I still have  medals and awards from my athletics competitions at school. Carrying those bastard cellos around for 26 years made sure I was fit and healthy, for sure.

So Isaac was born, and during the I’m pretty sure he obliterated all the nerves a nerve or two in my right hip. His head hadn’t engaged, so when those waters went, he slammed into my pelvis at full force (11lbs of baby inside a person is just not fun, no matter what anyone says). Instant cramp down my entire leg while pushing him out (the cramp hurt WAY more than his 2ft long body emerging from my crotch) and a slight numbness in my toes.

It’s over 2 years later, and right now, I am sitting typing this with the most excruciating pain down my right leg, and once again my toes are tingling and slightly numb. The pain is similar to the sciatica, but not how I remember it was on my left hand side. What I do know, is that it hurts like fuck.

Was it worth it? Of COURSE it was bloody worth it. I’ve got two of the most gorgeous kids ever to walk the Earth.

But the pain..oh god the pain. D and I talk about having a third. All these maternity and newborn photo shoots I’m doing at the mo are making me broody as hell. We always wanted three. But pregnancy screws my entire body over something chronic, I don’t know if I could handle it. I actually LOVED having a maternity bump, and that weird “Earth Mom” empowered thing you get after delivery was pretty awesome, both times.

And I sit here and think, how bad can it be? I can handle it. It’d TOTALLY be worth it, and it’d be over in about a year.

A year is a long time to be in pain, especially when done voluntarily. And let’s not even load PPD into the equation. Noooo let’s just not go there.

As I move around the house in the last few weeks, I honestly have to be careful not to scream in pain whenever I move wrong. Whether this fucked-up nerve on my right is now sciatica, I don’t know. The pregnancy sciatica was on my left hand side, damage from Isaac was on my right. But I do know that it hurts like a bitch, and my toes are currently numb or tingling 24/7.

Bah. Maybe the decision is already made for me.

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Comments

  1. If you put on a few (OK quite a few) pounds, we could be twins. Part of the reason we have stopped at two is that I cannot and will not go through pregnancy again. APart from absolutely loving the kicking and the bump and feeling very well, I was in a wheelchair by 28 weeks and in unbearable pain for 8 months of my second pregnancy. There is a good risk that I could end up needing hips pinning or a lifetime in a wheelchair if I do it again, according to my GP, so it's game over. Given that I still can't walk properly 18 months after giving birth to a 7lber (11lbs???? O.M.G!) I have no plans to prove him wrong. I am not a martyr to pain. Surrogacy all the way :D

    Reply
    • mochabeaniemummy says:

      It's taken me almost 2 years to get back to walking again properly. And you've just reminded me that the physios did indeed threaten me with a wheelchair and then further scans once baby was born. Can I face all that again? With TWO kiddos, not one? I'd be willing to bet no. But like you say, loved the kicking and the bump. Nothing can ever replicate that.

      Reply
  2. You're right its worth it but for the love of god men have no idea and nor did I before I had my children the physical problems we have to endure to get them. Double edged very sharp sword springs to mind! Without winging I've been vomiting and nauseous for 20 weeks now and have hands the size of JCB shovels due to carpel tunnel, deep down I also know the worst is still to come…………………… would love to have a third but would much prefer delivery by stork!

    Reply
  3. Lucy says:

    Maybe mother nature is reminding you of this pain ad a result of your broodines. The main worry would be looking after 2 kids during a painful pregnancy. I have 3 boys, and boy was that third pregnancy painful and difficult. I kept telling myself to remember the discomfort in case I got broody again. Personally, I find three kids WAY harder than two. Don't know why. Also know that when extreme broodines kicks in, nothing but a baby will cure it.

    Reply
    • mochabeaniemummy says:

      A few people have said the third was the breaker. Thankfully I'm not in Tunnel Vision Broody Mode, but I'm quite fearful of it kicking in. I actually hope this IS Mother Nature telling me to think twice…

      Reply
  4. Circusmum says:

    Oh gosh I feel you pain, u had SPD too and scares me away from pregnancy at times.
    Hope it isn't sciatica now. Xxx

    Reply
    • mochabeaniemummy says:

      Thanks very much. SPD is horrendous, almost enough to put me off for life. Almost.

      Reply
  5. Jo Ind says:

    It's awesome what we go through to bring life into the world. Respect to you and to all women, especially those down the ages and across the world for whom death was/is a not improbable outcome of their labours. Too little is said about what we suffer. Keep talking about it. x

    Reply
    • mochabeaniemummy says:

      TOTALLY agree. During the entire pregnancy, I was infuriated by being told how dangerous it was to give birth at home, and yet there are women around the WORLD who give birth anywhere without so much as batting an eyelid – those are the ones I admire.

      I am truly grateful for the turnout of both my pregnancies, despite the excruciating pain (and I don't mean labour and delivery). If I wasn't grateful, this pain I have (as a result) right now would seal the deal in me saying "No more babies". Turns out? It's still on the cards, regardless. And if it does happen, I am more than aware of how much pain it will cause me.

      Now excuse me while I hobble to the bathroom on my crutches. ;) x

      Reply
  6. Merry says:

    Osteopath. Osteopath. Osteopath.

    I had a terrible back problem after an accident. Went on for years and was all in my shoulder. Eventually I saw someone and turned out all my lower back and leg pain stemmed from that. It can be horrendous at times, really limiting but keeping someone who knows me now does help a lot.

    It's a total pita though, especially if it interferes with choices.

    Reply
    • mochabeaniemummy says:

      Have already been to an osteopath for the best part of last year, did loads of work, all better.

      Here I am back at square one. *sigh*

      Reply
      • Get back to the osteopath. Though it's also worth having hips/legs checked out – turned out the 20 years of problems I've had stem from the fact my legs are different lengths. Noticed by the physio I saw during Smallest's pregnancy, and solved by putting a lift in one shoe that I wear *all* the time. She had to manipulate a bit to put things where they should be, but I haven't had anything like the same problems since.

        And yes, I know that sounds implausible, but I'd had xrays, physio, ultra sounds, you name it over years and years of pain, and no one had noticed the leg length thing before…

        Hugs. Broody is hard.

        Reply
  7. Reading this I marvel at how lucky I am so far. My only problem has been early labor in my first pregnancy, hoping to avoid it this time. Sciatic nerve acts up but its not constant. I reeeeeally hope none of this other stuff happens to me because I plan on having more kids, I would love to have a houseful. I would think you should go with your doctor's advice tho. Do they think you should do it? i know i would have to take my doc's advice if i had problems, for one because if you would happen to make yourself useless as a mom by ruining your body so you can't care for your children, whats the point of having them? You owe your living children a functional mom if possible!!

    Reply
  8. I am pregnant with much awaited 2nd bambino and have struggled with SPD since about 14 weeks. Started with pregnancy yoga (until I got stuck on the floor in agony), have tried massage, reiki, osteopathy and physio. Quite simply I will do anything to manage this pain! Am defiant that I wont remember this pregnancy for pain rather than the bump! I would def make a noise with your doctor about the continual pain though – that cant be right surely???

    Reply
    • mochabeaniemummy says:

      SPD is HIDEOUS. I can't believe how much it hurts – I would genuinely do labour again any day over SPD. It shouldn't still hurt now, hence why I think it's more likely nerve damage from delivery, but whatever it is, IT HURTS. :(

      Reply

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